what do you do when you forget 'how' to say Hello?

It's a different thing when one forgets to greet another person when the situation asks for it, you know when you forget to say 'hello'. Its quite a different thing I realize right now, when you forget how to say 'hello'. In the former case you can make up for one's absent mindedness, but in the other case the very inability becomes a condition, a prolonged habit. The barrier is one of the inability of being comprehended, maybe due to adhering to a different scenario of social set up for a very long time. I stepped into philosophical circle some 5 years back as a naive student, and I guess I still am naive in so far as I have not really stepped out of the circle yet, and I don't think I can, nor do I consciously want to.

One can only consume and be consumed in the depth of the ocean when one chooses not to float but drown in it.

Today I attended the last of the lecture series on 'knowledge' given by the great scholar Prof Miri. Even though it was directed at a non philosophical audience, it was a high point for me. I attended a lecture after so long. Prof Miri was articulate and his words were simple and easily comprehensible and was directed at an audience which seemed very much awed and attended the lecture because they really wanted to. But one or two questions that were raised at the end of the lecture led me to believe that they were raised because they had totally missed the essence of the lecture, of the thought that was being projected in the best articulated way as possible. Prof Miri had used a Strawsonian distinction just to adapt it to his framework in the context of the lecture. It was a distinction he explained at length and linked it with his own thoughts. But the very asking of the question depicted that only the first part was comprehended, and the major portion was missed out, the essence of the lecture actually. Sir clarified the point too in his reply. I was not annoyed at someone missing the point really, (I have a tendency to get impatient on such matters, even though I might not show it, and even though it is not my position to get that way) but for the first time, I viewed my world from the eyes of an outsider, an outsider to the philosophical circle who was awed by the subject, in spite of not being able to comprehend it. An outsider that was me some time back, and parts of which still remain when I can't comprehend the works of great minds just because I am not acquainted or eligible enough to read that work. Those looks, those reactions, those mannerism are becoming more and more familiar to me now too. When I speak to people from outside of the circle, I see a polite smile, and an awed look which says, 'thats quite a thought actually! impressive!' but I do not think that I make my self clear, I do not feel that my thoughts, the gist of it is comprehended by the other person.

Maybe I don't say it right, or talk to fast and too much, or actually make no sense, or the other person is not really interested to listen to it, or does not have the time. But today, it dawned to me, that an amazing scholar could not convey his thoughts completely to a very intelligent audience either. Maybe its not the subjective so much, may be its not just me, but the content. But who is to blame for that. I think both the parties are equally innocent and it is no crime really to not understand another person. But isn't the whole point of talking: trying to communicate. And communication requires to speak the same language. I think that in the past five years my communication with the outside world has been reduced to a minimum, in so far as the outside world is composed of people not accustomed to philosophical thoughts all the time. I just don't speak the same language. I speak in the same natural language as the person I am interacting with, lets say Hindi or English, but am I really speaking the same language? I don't think so. Being silent is not an option either. There is no communication there, not even an attempt at it.

I am no scholar, I don't profess to be one, not yet, I don't think that I am very intelligent either, but over the past 5 years I have stepped deeper and deeper, thinking that maybe the outside link is still established as I do breath in spite of being drowned in my own little world, and somewhere I lost sight of the fact that I my conversation, the quality of it, has reduced with the outside world, the otherwise real world. It is not that I do not talk to people from outside the circle, I do. I talk to my family and few friends from non philosophy days. But nothing of that seems too significant. The emotive part does and is of significance but nothing beyond it. And I guess this feeling is also mutual. Nobody really wants to understand me. Not because no one cares but over the years my thoughts have become me actually. Philosophy, this discipline is what I worship. I mean I also criticize it but it is very personal to me. Even the number of people I interact with on a daily basis are somewhere related to the discipline, they have all been to the beach, so to say, to say the very least. My life centers around it. I don't think I have a personal life outside of it anymore. It is safe because in this world, my world everyone is included and still excluded but it is still very real, the rush of adrenaline, one gets when a thought presents itself, the stimulating desire to understand, to resolve the mystery of questions unanswered, it is all very real. However, nothing I say seem to have any significance at all. It is either not significant, crazy ramping of an ideal person, or someone who is about to touch something profound but not there yet in all my little worlds and circles really.

It is like in a naive moment, I stepped into the Plato's cave in search of knowledge, and the search of knowledge itself seems to be restricted in a cave of its own. While I may think that I might find some answers to questions I seek, I think my life is as naive as it was 5 years ago, in so far as the answers to those questions are and will perhaps be sought in all probability in that philosophical circle, because outside it, in the process of this search, I have just forgotten how to say HELLO to the people outside. That communication is just not established, even when I try. Maybe I don't try enough because somewhere I don't want to. I think that sanity requires me to step out of this cave, still continue the search (the two seems mutually exclusive), but I just don't know how. As far as communication goes, I find it hard to communicate within my circle, where I have sustained myself for the past 5 years, and also outside of it, where I spent the rest of my life in oblivion as well, because I was just not interested. Its just that I enjoy trying to communicate on one side, so it is easier to make an effort, as far as the other side is concerned I just do not care to even make that effort and I have started to place that world in the cave of blind people, just because I am blind to them. And when I reflect about this before posting it, I realise that there is nothing more stupid than a search of truth in a world of solipsism, where one starts and ends with Descartes borrowed thesis, the basic proposition, 'I think, therefore I am!'

One day at a time, Sweet Jesus!!!!

I hope that this hymn sounds familiar.......

One day at a time, Sweet Jesus
I'm only human, I'm just a woman
help me believe in what I could be
and all that I am, show me the stairway
I have to climb, Lord for my sake
teach me to take one day at a time.

One day at a time, sweet Jesus.
That's all I'm asking from you
just give me the strength to do everyday
what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus,
and tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember when you walked among men?
well, Jesus you know if you're looking below
it is worse now than then
cheating and stealing, violence and crime,
so for my sake, teach me to take
one day at a time.

One day at a time, sweet Jesus
that's all I'm asking from you
just give me the strength to do
everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
and tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today show me the way
one day at a time.

This was the hymn which the school intercom used to play every alternate day, never understood why then was much too young, and in later years took it for granted, loved the singer's voice though...I guess it didn't apply then...but if it does apply now...One day at a time, so far so good. Call me an agnostic, but what about tomorrow.... sweet Jesus!!!!

Every time an exam gets over, priorities change, but this time I find the days after exams so scary, change becomes the priority. Why??

And it may be noted, that everything in this hymn is just fine, really. Facts actually: I'm only human, I'm a woman(what does just a woman mean anyways?) and I am a believer so stairways and climbing becomes a little redundant unless the back of my mind, one is thinking that God will pull the ladder away, which requires a confirmation of being a believer. Anyways, moving on....the strength to do everyday what I have to do? Unless one is climbing the mountain or doing something really really bad, which requires strength to live with oneself, strength is pretty much there for everyday life.

The only worry then there is that can be abstracted from this hymn is Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine.
Forget tomorrow never being mine, but the key point is that :

yesterday's gone!!! Its gone, sweet jesus, it will never come back!!!! Why ask God to help us move on unless we also consider Sweet jesus to be the constant from those yesterdays and an accomplish to the crimes to end our lives of those murdered moments, which at times we cherished and at times we hated.

Life as we know it never comes back!!! And while that is fine, at times like these when instead of priorities changing, change becomes the priority, what can be done?
What can anyone (no offense, sweet Jesus, its a whole self preservation thing!) do besides trying to walk blindfolded but carefully and being watchful, precisely because we know that we enter into the unforeseen future with blindfolds to begin with, just hoping to not fall or tumble into a pothole , hoping of not to make the same mistakes but to make new ones each time we try to get a sneak peak to get an insight into the future in the game that must be played blindfolded?

For days like those when an optimistic God says like the slogan Cyrus Barrocha used to say in pepsi advertisment 'tera number bhi aayega' and one keeps the hope intact only to find to have collected 756 crowns, to find that 'number nahi aaya' and 'complaint' that yesterday when you said tomorrow will be mine, but then when tomorrow becomes yesterday, yesterday's gone!! how does one keep the faith?

Does one believe in an optimistic God, or walk blindfolded on Razor's edge? Anyways, the hymn is nice, I wish I had it in audio. And I really wish that after so much of studying within a discipline like Philosophy, I could understand the meaning of this hymn or at any rate try to understand what happened in movies like 'Dil toh pagal hai? Never understood that, and trust me, I tried. Never understood it. What happened there?

The psycho genesis of the Indian Audiences towards Bollywood

The psycho genesis of the Indian Audiences towards Bollywood:

It’s the cocoon of comfort and denial which ‘Happily ever after(s)’ maintain.

‘The key to surviving surgical internship is denial. We deny that we are tired, we deny that we are scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed and most importantly we deny that we are in denial.’ This is a citation transcribed from Season 2 Episode 4 of a popular Prime time American TV Show.

What is most important for the overworked, tired, Indian audiences in the climate of professional competition then is precisely the blatant acceptance of this denial. This is assented to the fact that Om Shanti Om with its worldview of ‘Happily Ever After(s)’ succeeded to run parallel to the mentality of its audiences. Om Shanti Om was not so much of a movie about the movies or about one song with enormous number of Guest Stars, than it was about the usage of movies. The jokes weren’t funny and would be categorized by many, (not necessarily what is denoted as smart audiences, but the masses as well) in the rank of PJs. The ones which were really funny, offended the sentiments of many, for instance Manoj Kumar, India’s Pride. The plagiarism jokes, like ‘Dosti mein Thank you nahi hota’ came instinctively to those who were well versed with the popular movies, not everybody. The assumption is that most people have seen Suraj Barjatiya’s Maine Pyar Kiya, but those who haven’t seen it, could not follow it or get the joke. The editing genius shown in Om Shanti Om was similar to that of Jaaneman . The comic over dramatization in the first half turns serious in the second half, but fails to bring out the same effect that Dil Chahata hai did which brought different emotions to the same dialogues in ‘the Proposal to Shalini(Preety Zinta). Repetition of ‘similar lines’ to dawn the effect of familiarity was over done as well, be it the essence of the film itself, that if the ending isn’t happy then it is not the end yet. Even though the song Jag Suna Suna Lage, renders to touch hearts perhaps in ‘Ekta Kapoor’s K serials’, there was in fact no chemistry between Shanti and Om, their romantic relationship depicting only a mere crush of a crazed fan. Over all, the movie could be completely trashed by the critics on more grounds than one. Sharukh Khan or King Khan made his presence felt, literally in every scene. He is the King of the Glamour world, he is here to stay and he appreciates to rule. All this is too evident in both the onscreen character and the off screen character as opposed to Amir Khan, who makes his presence felt even in his significant absences. In so far he lives up to the name ‘Tare Zameen Pe’. Considering these factors, even the Trump SRK card, according to me fails to account for the success of the film.

Perhaps the mystery of the box office success lies in the anticipation as well as the need of the audiences to see happy ever afters’, masala flicks, Govinda movies. The clear evidence of the same is that Sawaariya despite the graphic presentation, powerful story line, a venture of Star families, candy boy Ranbeer Kapoor, good and popular musical score, failed to appeal to the masses. What failed was not the story, but the anti-anticipated climax, Sartre’s existential hero, the effeminate male, weak enough not to fight back or win the girl over, strong enough to be contended with ‘punching away’ the misery. ‘What if Truth is a woman’ said Nietzsche (Beyond Good and Evil). ‘ She is a woman, she is always loves a man of work.’ He answers. I don’t that this is true at all, but that sure is the cliché even in the fantasy world, which is where I would also like to place Nietzsche’s understanding of women, in clichés, in the fantastic.

We want the world of movies to keep us in the denial of fantasies, of happily ever afters. Even though the aesthetic theory of sadharanikaran or generalization may make one relate to the existential character in Sawaariya, the truth is that one does not wish to make that relation. Bollywood is a playground for the Shah-Rukh Khans. They help create the fairy tale for its audiences, fractured fairy tales have to still make a place in this world of illusion, Shrek has to make its entry in this the psychological sphere of the demands of the audiences. We are not there yet.

Conclusion:

We live in the world of denial which provides the comfort of ‘happily ever after(s)’.

Many would jump to present proofs about how this conclusion is wrong, but everyone does know that they would also know in their hearts that they will be bullshitting for the truth lies in denial (and there is a reason for that as well which I do not wish to detail here). After all, why else would Brahman lie in Maya?

A tribute to memories and friends

'I felt overwhelmed by the uncertainty of what I had. I wasn't the same person anymore. I was living in some kind of horrific perpetual dream state yet somehow still able to interact without anyone knowing. Just going through motions automatic.' These are the thoughts of Hudson, a character of the film Numb (2007), in the context of a neurological condition called 'Depersonalisation'. However it is strange that I also relate to it after doing 5 years of Philosophy in the best years of my life. The same description can be understood in the light of what DJ had to say in Rang De Basanti, where student life at Delhi University provides that Dream state, still being very real in so far as the security of the illusion was concerned. HE said, 'gate ke is paar hum zindagi ko nachate hai, gate ke us paar zindagi hame nachati hai. ' This in effect means that when exam time is over, fun time is over. This seems strange because the pressure gets over after examination. Perhaps it does, perhaps it doesn't. It just gets added on. Because one has to start afresh. Move to new things, new chapters, new people. And somewhere we are not ready yet. The path to move on, is a progressive path, more often than ever. There should be no sense of leaving anything behind. Only, honestly, there is. And that is when change becomes the hardest enemy as nostalgias are recollected as times one had and times to treasure when some days before when one took minor baby step leading to this big change, those times seem as important and yet as frivolous(for some) as a good meal one had for dinner, or a regular relaxing weekend in which one lazy out with friends and family. All of a sudden, one realizes the importance of those moments which at a point of time seem to be taken for granted. That the path is progressive, is what our friends and family and well wishers tell us. Even though there is no feeling better to resist the change, to stop, to relax, to take a vacation, from the uncertainty into the recurring mundane routine one has before this big change where the priorities change, and one has to move on. And I guess that is best explained by Chuckie to Will in the film Good Will Hunting, where Will has the opportunity to make a good life, have a future, at the cost of moving from his old house, his friends. The conversation is something like this: 'Chuckie: It's a way outta here. Will: What do I want a way out for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbour. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field.

CHUCKIE Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll kill you.

CHUCKIE: Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up, and we go out drinkin' or whatever and we have a few laughs. But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on the door 'cause I let myself think I might get here, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there.You just left.'

This conversation between friends, SAYS A LOT. Even though it involves a dead threat if you will, it says that our friends, our family, our well wishers want us to move on to that uncertain path as well.
No one knows what happens in the future, but the only way to find out is, to step into it. And it is not even optional not to. So we move on. So we move ahead.

The Character of Meg Ryan from You've Got Mail, puts it bluntly: 'People are always telling you that change is a good thing, but all they are really telling you is something you didn't want to happen at all has happened.'

In spite of a background in Philosophy I'll like to share Hudson's (Mathew Perry's) life view from the film Numb (2007) which puts two very simple thoughts together. i.e.
1. I just want to be a happy person with happy thoughts.
2. We are all a simple action away from complete disaster.

If life is premised on these two points, and the uncertainty of what the future presents, and the non optional change one is forced to inhere with, with a hope and optimism of our friends and family to walk blindfolded on razor's edge with a smile and a confidence....then one is, also at the same time internally balancing the negative thoughts of making mistakes, of goofing up, in decisions and actions, in the face of hopeless helplessness.

In the light of these thoughts, another narrative comes to mind.

'Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instance, wonder what the hell it is, that makes us hold it together.'

This is from Grey's Anatomy, Season 4 Episode 15, entitled Losing my mind.

I would like to call this Blog 'Knowing Endevours' someday, trying to know at the background of everything, what keeps us sane despite this uncertainty. My endevour, my attempt is to know what prevents us from losing our minds in the process of knowing, just knowing life, ourselves, and the world around us, whatever that means.