An odd and over-stated day

Today was rather an odd day at work. I guess it started as I left from home to office. My mom wished me. I planned to not take my lunch box today, for I did n’t like the kababs I would get for lunch otherwise,  I did n’t want my mom to go through the trouble of packing food for me or prepare anything else,  so early in the morning. I don’t really cook for myself, (although so many times I feel I should start doing that, I am a good cook after all). However, she presumed that I plan to eat lunch with someone at work. The thought was just so absurd for me that I smiled as I denied any such plans. She smiled too. I don’t think she believed me.

As I happen to forget my headset at home, I planned to seclude myself in an empty cabin at office as I worked today. And honestly, I felt much at peace with this solitude listening to music by Elvis and Eagles. I could concentrate at work better and listen to light music, without the possibility of my co-workers getting distracted by the tracks on my playlist.

These days, in fact for quite some time now, I like to dress up nicely when I go to work or anywhere else, for that matter. I do that some days more than others. I get noticed, I get compliments, I get curious glances. Many times I am asked, ‘what’s so special today?’ or ‘how come you are looking so nice today?’ besides the usual ‘you look really nice.’ While I find the latter question derogatory, I hate to get compliments in the former form too, mostly because despite being rhetorical, my first instinct is to attempt to answer it, and I have no answer. And again, I find that question so absurd to have to give a reason to dress well that all I can do is smile and shake my head, ‘nothing really’ or 'no reason in particular' And again, like my mamma, no one believes my truly honest replies!!!!

Today, in that cabin, I successfully avoided these questions, compliments and curious glances. Although I love to stop and chat occasionally from one cubical to the other, today, I avoided doing that too. I also avoided sharing food, mints, or anything with anyone for any action can easily get misinterpreted today. My actions, my words, me...I get misunderstood quite often. Primarily I guess that is because in my head, I feel older and wiser than everybody around me. I act like an affectionate grandmother. Only, in the real world, I am not as old as I think I am in my head. However, I am still affectionate. I am aware that this makes me quite odd, but it is hard not to be true to how one perceives oneself in one’s head. While I try to remember that distinction, quite often, like the distinction between academics and philosophy, it is lost to me. Anyways, for a person who gets misunderstood quiet often, it is best to not let the tongues wagging. So, today, I chose to seclude myself completely and work quietly in the corner cabin.

However, while I never mind eating lunch alone, today, thanks to this overstated day, the menu was particularly annoying. I went from one food franchise to the next, trying to decide what to eat which did not come in ridiculous heart shapes. Out of all the restaurants in my office complex, two south Indian joints had special menu for the day, CDC not only had heart shaped cakes and candies but actually had a special gift corner. I thought I’d go to Pizza hut and have an economical meal, but the meal I would have wanted to eat was for two, not one. Away from the heart shaped idlis, utapams, donuts and pizzas I relished a meal in a restaurant which was not that popular. I don’t know whether it was the irritation of hoping from one joint to the next, in search of a similar ‘cabin solace’ or the food at that not-so-popular restaurant, which did not have a special menu, which made me dawn on the thought 'I did not really enjoy eating food/junk outside anymore.' There was a time I went all out and relished to eat what is not good for my health but what I considered worth indulging in a gluttonous manner. I realised that - that had changed about me. Still determined to not give up that easy and in an attempt to enjoy the treat I gave myself, I did have one Dunkin’s donut with a cup of hot chocolate.  It was not a heart shaped donut – the devil’s kiss, though.  

When I reached home from work, after an honest day’s work, I realised that my family had also succumbed to the celebratory mood, by the light side. There were chocolates and flowers, my brother got for my bhabhi. Mamma papa too went out to eat food and did plan to watch a movie, I was told. We all had chocolates. It was very nice. I thought I’d check my facebook and there too there were so many posts , so many wishes, again all very nice. I sighed and I smiled in the same hopeless manner I do when people choose not to believe my honest replies. I liked some posts, I shared others. 

What really made my day of solitude and peace complete in the whirlpool of the madness of this overstated day was watching back to back episodes of The Following. Its a TV series staring Kevin Bacon where a serial-killer professor (psychopath) who romanticizes and philosophizes about the beauty of death has a cult, with equally disturbed followers. Of course, there are good people too, who try to stop the murders and the madness. But, ‘good over evil’ in series such as these, quite like life, is always a work in progress. Watching this series with gruesome murders, helped balance out the day of cotton candies and heart shaped food. I feel strangely relaxed.