A tribute to memories and friends

'I felt overwhelmed by the uncertainty of what I had. I wasn't the same person anymore. I was living in some kind of horrific perpetual dream state yet somehow still able to interact without anyone knowing. Just going through motions automatic.' These are the thoughts of Hudson, a character of the film Numb (2007), in the context of a neurological condition called 'Depersonalisation'. However it is strange that I also relate to it after doing 5 years of Philosophy in the best years of my life. The same description can be understood in the light of what DJ had to say in Rang De Basanti, where student life at Delhi University provides that Dream state, still being very real in so far as the security of the illusion was concerned. HE said, 'gate ke is paar hum zindagi ko nachate hai, gate ke us paar zindagi hame nachati hai. ' This in effect means that when exam time is over, fun time is over. This seems strange because the pressure gets over after examination. Perhaps it does, perhaps it doesn't. It just gets added on. Because one has to start afresh. Move to new things, new chapters, new people. And somewhere we are not ready yet. The path to move on, is a progressive path, more often than ever. There should be no sense of leaving anything behind. Only, honestly, there is. And that is when change becomes the hardest enemy as nostalgias are recollected as times one had and times to treasure when some days before when one took minor baby step leading to this big change, those times seem as important and yet as frivolous(for some) as a good meal one had for dinner, or a regular relaxing weekend in which one lazy out with friends and family. All of a sudden, one realizes the importance of those moments which at a point of time seem to be taken for granted. That the path is progressive, is what our friends and family and well wishers tell us. Even though there is no feeling better to resist the change, to stop, to relax, to take a vacation, from the uncertainty into the recurring mundane routine one has before this big change where the priorities change, and one has to move on. And I guess that is best explained by Chuckie to Will in the film Good Will Hunting, where Will has the opportunity to make a good life, have a future, at the cost of moving from his old house, his friends. The conversation is something like this: 'Chuckie: It's a way outta here. Will: What do I want a way out for? I want to live here the rest of my life. I want to be your next door neighbour. I want to take out kids to little league together up Foley Field.

CHUCKIE Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the Patriots' games and still workin' construction, I'll kill you. And that's not a threat, that's a fact. I'll kill you.

CHUCKIE: Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up, and we go out drinkin' or whatever and we have a few laughs. But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on the door 'cause I let myself think I might get here, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there.You just left.'

This conversation between friends, SAYS A LOT. Even though it involves a dead threat if you will, it says that our friends, our family, our well wishers want us to move on to that uncertain path as well.
No one knows what happens in the future, but the only way to find out is, to step into it. And it is not even optional not to. So we move on. So we move ahead.

The Character of Meg Ryan from You've Got Mail, puts it bluntly: 'People are always telling you that change is a good thing, but all they are really telling you is something you didn't want to happen at all has happened.'

In spite of a background in Philosophy I'll like to share Hudson's (Mathew Perry's) life view from the film Numb (2007) which puts two very simple thoughts together. i.e.
1. I just want to be a happy person with happy thoughts.
2. We are all a simple action away from complete disaster.

If life is premised on these two points, and the uncertainty of what the future presents, and the non optional change one is forced to inhere with, with a hope and optimism of our friends and family to walk blindfolded on razor's edge with a smile and a confidence....then one is, also at the same time internally balancing the negative thoughts of making mistakes, of goofing up, in decisions and actions, in the face of hopeless helplessness.

In the light of these thoughts, another narrative comes to mind.

'Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instance, wonder what the hell it is, that makes us hold it together.'

This is from Grey's Anatomy, Season 4 Episode 15, entitled Losing my mind.

I would like to call this Blog 'Knowing Endevours' someday, trying to know at the background of everything, what keeps us sane despite this uncertainty. My endevour, my attempt is to know what prevents us from losing our minds in the process of knowing, just knowing life, ourselves, and the world around us, whatever that means.